The 1.5 million Bangladeshi conundrum

Malaysians must get used to the fact that without foreign labour, our economy will grind to a standstill.

By Iskandar Dzulkarnain

The Malaysian government recently signed an MoU with the Bangladesh government to import 1.5 million Bangladeshi workers. The move was quickly hailed as a milestone for Malaysia’s economy. However, the order was quickly rescinded the next day by our deeply concerned Deputy Prime Minister Ahmad Zahid Hamidi.

Critics attributed the about turn in government policy to the coming Sarawak Election and strong protests from NGOs and the Malaysian public. However, these negative critics have sadly missed the point, as the potential spin-offs and benefits to our nation would be simply breathtaking.

Malaysia is a land of milk and honey, so much so that its citizens can afford to remain jobless without ever going hungry.

Many can even afford to race like Mat Motors through the quiet of the night, which our government has found to be a healthy pastime compared to practising yoga or dancing the ‘Poco Poco’. There have also been suggestions that relevant authorities close certain roads in the capital, so KL can be turned into the largest motor racing circuit in the world.

Critics should not be clouded by the fact that we still have 400,000 jobless citizens including 100,000 fresh graduates. If only they weren’t so choosy, or refuse to work alongside Nepalis, Bangladeshis and Indonesians already working in the country, there would be ample jobs out there for the taking.

Malaysians must also realise how difficult it is to breed and breastfeed 1.5 million Malaysians, clothe and shelter them, give them a decent education and then try to convince them to work in 3D jobs, which are demeaning, dirty, and dangerous for a next-to-nothing salary.

The estimated cost to raise a 20-year-old adult from childhood in Malaysia is nearly RM1 million. Therefore, it is a blessing that from out of the blue, we have 1.5 million Bangladeshis willing to pay us RM3000 each for the chance to work in Malaysia for next to nothing.

The RM4.5 billion collected by the government will of course be used to improve the quality of life for Malaysians, upgrade infrastructure like roads, hospitals and provide for educational scholarships.

Truly, the benefits of having 1.5 million Bangladeshis in Malaysia are simply awesome. Instead of the same old boring faces of Malays, Chinese and Indians, we get to see a fresh Bangladeshi hunk every now and then.

Some of them have the looks and physique that rival Sharukh Khan’s, which will be a boon for Malaysian women with exotic tastes.

There are 180 countries in this world, and believe it or not, nearly 60 have populations of less than 1.5 million. Some of these countries are bursting at the seams, trying to upgrade and improve the socio-economic status of their citizens.

Therefore, it would be exciting to import 1.5 million Bangladeshis to work and socialise in this great big country of ours. They will learn our culture, our habits, and our language, marry our daughters and contribute financially to our nation. Bangladeshi jokes will replace boring Bengali or Irish jokes too.

Many years later, they will return to Bangladesh with tales of how great our nation was and return again with even more Bangladeshis in tow.

We must get used to the fact that without foreign labour, our economy will grind to a standstill. Malaysians may one day have to eat in self-service restaurants with a buffet line, using plastic spoons, forks and paper plates, if we do not have foreigners to wash our dishes.

Without foreign labour, Malaysians may one day live and work in single-storey houses and buildings, as it would too dangerous for us to build multi-storey and high-rise buildings.

Without foreign labour, Malaysian women would have to stop working to take care of our children, and later try to convince them to take up 3D jobs that pay next to nothing.

Malaysians too, have not gotten over the horror of having to fill-up their own petrol tanks, where before they could sit in air-conditioned comfort listening to their favourite music, while someone else did the dirty work for them.

Critics should stop frightening us that such a high volume of Bangladeshis may bring in diseases like TB. There will be agencies to vet these workers before allowing them to run wild here.

Accusing the government of using Bangladeshis as phantom voters without any supporting evidence is hitting below the belt. Our government’s untainted honesty and its constant breed of excellent leaders are the driving reasons why Barisan Nasional has never lost even one general election.

And it probably never will, if our prudent Prime Minister Najib Razak is allowed to continue to stay in office until the end of time.

And for those Malaysians who dare think Barisan Nasional actually needs the services of Bangladeshis to win an election, it is downright insulting.

On a happier note, religious authorities also have the opportunity to construct another 5000 mosques for religious obligations.

Come weekends, big towns and cities will turn into a mini Bangladesh as Bangladeshis seek entertainment on their off days, which will be another economic spin-off.

With their ability to pass off as Mamaks, there will be even more sumptuous Mamak restaurants nationwide and the real possibility to have another Mamak Prime Minister one day in the future.

With the Bangladeshis supporting our fragile economy and our lifestyles, Malaysians can afford to remain jobless, or take our own sweet time to pick and choose the right job.

And until our economy returns to normal, Malaysians should heed our ministers’ advice to take on an extra job but refrain from engaging in 3D jobs. You also wouldn’t want your girlfriend to catch you washing dishes in a fast food kitchen, would you?

And who knows, one day in the future, Malaysia will sign a second MoU with Bangladesh, this time to allow 1.5 million Malaysians to work in Bangladesh in their 3D sectors! So it always pays to be nice to your neighbours.

Tour consultant, sports pilot and naturalist Iskandar Dzulkarnain has been writing for a few years now, especially satirical articles like this. He is an FMT columnist.

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